When I had the original idea for this blog I really didn't know what it would turn into. To me it was just going to be something fun and it has been. I have really enjoyed it so far. I have gotten some feedback as well, and I am thankful for the support of my friends and family. After a few posts people actually started reading my blog and taking interest,(at first I thought only my mom and boyfriend were reading). My purpose then started to change a little.
I truly love helping people. We all need help at a certain point in our lives, and I have the desire to "pay it forward." Some of my blog post will hopefully educate, inspire, and help people that I wouldn't be able to reach otherwise. This post today is a little different than what I had first intended to do. I want to talk about a certain thing that has been in my life lately, and hopefully it will help those with similar problems.
I am a female, as many of you probably figured out, and I love to do girly things. I love fashion, makeup, clothes, things that some people may think are superficial. A lot of women, like myself, like to look nice and pretty as well. Even men can be into their appearance. It is always nice to get a compliment from someone on the way you look. It often boosts our confidence. This is all fine until we start letting these superficial things validate our worth. The pressure to look a certain way can then get out of control.
Like I mentioned before, we are all human. It is normal to seek validation and feel like you are good and wonderful. We want to feel important, unique, and well liked among our peers. Appearance can sometimes taint the way we think about ourselves and our importance. This is where things get unhealthy.
Validation Through Social Media:
When this blog took off I went from a few views to a few hundred views. At first it wasn't a problem, but I began to get a bit obsessed with looking at the stats and how many views I received that day. I would get a little bummed if I didn't have a certain head count. Now I know that sounds silly and childish, but have you ever been bummed when you didn't receive the feedback you thought you would on social media. I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but I once had a friend tell me they would delete a picture from Instagram if it didn't receive a certain amount of likes in a certain amount of time. I'm not trying to call out this person. As a human being we seek to be liked, whether it is on Facebook or in reality. However, it can get very unhealthy and in today's time it's even more dangerous due to social media. A lot of post on Instagram involve the infamous "selfie." This gives people the freedom to determine if they're going to like something based on our appearance. I'm not "selfie shaming," I have been known to post a selfie or two in my day, but when we start seeking comments from others to build us up is when it gets out of control. Why should others have a say in your appearance? Social media can be a great thing, but when you let others validate your worth through one picture, it is probably time to put the phone down.
Comparing Ourselves To Others:
With all of the social media and instant communication we can see what anyone is doing majority of the time. A lot of people can start to compare themselves to others more easily because of this. Comparing ourselves to others happens a lot, especially with appearance. When I was younger I hated the birthmark on my face. Others girls didn't have birthmarks on their faces and I was confused by this. I use to ask my mom if I could get it removed because I wanted to look like everyone else. No matter how much you want to change the way you look...sometimes it just isn't possible. I will never be able to grow super long legs like Taylor Swift because I am not Taylor Swift...I am me. It is pointless to compare your body and looks to others because it will never happen. Now, if I just crushed your dreams, remember that your features are unique. They are what makes you you. You should embrace them and learn to love them. Stop measuring your self worth by comparing your looks to others. I am so glad I never got my birthmark removed.
The Expectation:
We live in a society that is constantly telling us to look our best and try to "out pretty" everyone else. We have certain social ideas and concepts that if we don't look a certain way we won't be accepted. We put physical labels on each other. There is an idea of what is "beautiful" and what we think isn't beautiful. This makes me sad. It is our job,as a society, to stop creating the expectation and standard of what beauty is. There is no limit. There is no one right answer in what is beautiful. Beauty can be found in everything and that begins with finding confidence within yourself.
I sometimes struggle with letting social media, society, and others affect the way I view myself. Sometimes it is difficult to even follow my own advice. The important thing is to be aware. When you start feeling down and your confidence is on low, take a step back and evaluate what is causing that. Maybe it has to do with the things I listed above...if so it may be time to take a break from social media, comparing yourself to others, or letting certain comments get to you. Always remember that you are definitely not alone. We all struggle to find our place, and I hope that maybe I helped with something you are going through. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to reach out to me. I just want to help. We are all in this big ol world lovely world together..why not try to make it lovelier.
-Abbey Shae
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